


Breathe Me

by agape_eternal



Category: Swimming RPF
Genre: Cutting, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-06
Updated: 2009-07-06
Packaged: 2017-10-25 22:03:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/275310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agape_eternal/pseuds/agape_eternal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael’s got a bad habit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe Me

**Author's Note:**

> Unfortunately I don’t own the boys. A random plot “penguin” attacked me and forced me to write it…thus it’s not the best. There is such thing as waterproof foundation lol, really.

Michael starts cutting in middle school. It’s never serious, light and barely there. It’s always just enough to ease the pain in his chest when he thinks of how mean the kids are to him because he’s not popular, he’s got big ears and a goofy smile, he talks a little funny and sometimes he doesn’t catch on quite as quickly as everyone else, especially in math class. He uses waterproof foundation he’s nicked from Hilary to hide it. He’s watched her enough to know how to blend it perfectly, not that he’d admit that, and his plan works pretty well.

That is until he meets Ryan Lochte. Ryan’s all smiles with big beautiful dancing blue eyes and dimples, especially when he laughs. But when he’s by himself he can be just as serious as Michael. No one notices the serious side of him though (save for his coach and Michael), they just say he acts like a stoner when he’s not around and laugh at his jokes when he is.

They share a room and have lockers next to each other at Trial’s and Michael’s self-conscious about dressing down with someone so near, especially Ryan, since he’s been used to hiding out in the back of locker rooms as far from prying eyes as possible.

Sometimes he swears the guy looks at him like he can _see_ him, see deep into everything he’s hiding inside, kinda like that scene in that kiddie movie with the Olsen twins where one of them tells the ‘evil stepmother’, “Clear as glass…in fact, I can see right through you” and it makes him uncomfortable.

He catches himself looking at Ryan all the time. Who couldn’t? He’s hot…which is probably an understatement. He doesn’t mean to stare, but he does and today is no different. But that’s when he catches a glimpse of what he thinks is a scar on Ryan’s wrist. He knows he should look away, but he can’t. The thought of someone else just like him…it’s oddly both alluring and comforting.

He stands there watching as he sees Ryan slip a bottle of waterproof foundation out of his locker and watches as Ryan makes his way into the bathroom, sliding into a stall. He knows he should dress down now and he does, flicking his gaze to the stall Ryan’s currently occupying every now and then.

When Ryan finally emerges, he’s in his suit and slips the foundation back in his locker. Michael thinks—or hopes rather—that he won’t say anything because talking for him is awkward at best, but suddenly he feels crowded and Ryan’s lips are against his ear. He shivers slightly.

“I know your secret identity,” Ryan murmurs, lips brushing the shell of Michael’s ear. Before Michael can ask what the fuck, Ryan’s already gone. He can hear his splash in the pool.  
=========================================================  
“What the hell was that back there?” Michael demands when they get back to their room after a full day of practice and fresh out of the shower. He’s tired and sore and really, this isn’t the time but he can’t quite get what happened off his mind and because of the constant training he hadn’t had time to ask him before.

“What was what?” It’s totally nonchalant, like Ryan really has NO idea what Michael’s going on about. Except he DOES, he just wants Michael to talk about it.

“’I know your secret identity’?”

“I do.”

“You don’t even know me.” And it’s true. They hardly know each other really, except for passing one another at meets and now, rooming together.

Ryan just shrugs. “I still know.”

“Know what exactly?” Michael asks. And as soon as it’s out of his mouth, he wishes he hadn’t said anything because Ryan’s coming towards him. He’s managed to avoid him pretty well despite the fact that they’re sharing a room…until now.

“This,” Ryan says simply and pulls a bottle of foundation from his pocket.

“It’s not mine.” But it’s choked.

“It fell out of your bag.”

“So?”

Ryan takes a finger and runs it down Michael’s arm. For a second Michael contemplates pulling his arm away, but he doesn’t. He lets Ryan touch him, something he hardly lets anyone do, outside of congratulations at meets. And for Ryan to touch him there…He knows it’s stupid, to anyone who wouldn’t understand anyway, but to Michael, his scars are almost the most secret place on his body, the place reserved for only someone special, someone who would understand.

“It feels good, doesn’t it?” Ryan whispers, raising his eyes to meet Michael’s. “The pull of the blade? The break? The burn?”

Michael’s eyes go wide and his breath hitches. This isn’t remotely sexy, except for Ryan’s fingertips on him, but the fact that Ryan _knows_ is overwhelming. And that he’s not judging him for it.

“Yeah, I know it does. It’s your dirty little secret, the thing you do when no ones around, in your room at night with nothing but the light of your TV to guide you.”

Michael just nods because speaking is sorta not there.

“I won’t tell if you won’t…”

“I won’t,” Michael promises, voice husky.

Ryan nods, smiling slightly. “I’m supposed to be in recovery.”

“Nobody knows about me.”

Ryan nods again. “What do you use?”

“Razor blade. “

“ME too. How long?”

“Middle school.”

“Same here.”

“How…why’d you start?”

“I moved to Florida from New York when I was 11 and it was really hard. Most of the kids knew each other and I felt like an outsider, like somehow I was intruding on their world.”

“I was just always the weird kid that no one liked.”

“I like you.” It’s quiet, but Michael knows he hears it. It makes him smile.

“I like you too…”

Ryan smiles at him, fingertips steadily stroking Michael’s arm.

Michael’s not sure where it comes from but he leans in, kissing Ryan softly. He expects to be pushed away, so when Ryan’s free hand lands on his hip and pulls him closer, he’s surprised. But not surprised enough to stop kissing him.

Ryan’s hand slips from Michael’s hip to the small of his back and rests there, thumb rubbing slow circles. The movement calms Michael and Ryan pulls away slightly, smiling up at him.

There’s an unspoken bond between them, something that would be hard for anyone else to understand. Ryan reaches down and takes Michael’s hand, lacing their fingers together. He pulls him towards the couch and settles on it with him, resting his head against Michael’s shoulder.

Ryan finds a movie for the two of them to watch and they fall into an easy silence for awhile. Finally, Michael breaks it.

“Thank you.” It’s quiet, almost inaudible.

“For what?”

“For letting me know I’m not alone.”

Ryan just smiles and leans up, placing a soft kiss to Michael’s lips.

 


End file.
